I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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