worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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