Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
