Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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