it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
