What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I am midnight drunk by noon
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
