She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
