Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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