She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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