I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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