You just made me feel so damn special
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
