I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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