i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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