So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
honey bunches of taint.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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