The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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