Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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