It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
