just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
