She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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