I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
