If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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