he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
