I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
