I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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