i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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