apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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