So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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