i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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