I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
