I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He felt like a one man threesome
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
