Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
