I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
