she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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