never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
