It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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