You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
