They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
