my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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