Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
