oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
