The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
