dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
