the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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