Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
you never un-have a 4some
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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