You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
