Sry I called you an 8
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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