so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
