i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
