If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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