while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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