The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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