im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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