When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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